Monday, January 11, 2016

love without expectation – a hard lesson learned

not all that long ago i decided that i would begin to love without expectation.  it wasn’t a new years resolution – i started this journey months before.  while it’s a challenge i’m hoping it will leave me feeling more fulfilled and happy in the long-run. 

so why?!  when cody and i found out we were expecting we were elated; i more so than he.  he was in disbelief.  i had dreamt of what it would be like to share our news with family and friends for years and i expected that they would all welcome the news with overwhelming excitement and … tears.  ha! 

i work in human resources.  i handle employee relations and performance issues on the regular.  i operate in a world of clear expectations.  it’s the mantra i preach to our managers.  in my personal life i had subconsciously carried over those same standards for my closest family and friends.  i expected a specific level of performance if you will: i expect that you will show up for (important) events, i expect you will visit us X times in a given year, i expect that if we help you you’ll help us, if i post a picture i expect you to like it, and i expect that if i tell you we are expecting you will do a dance and maybe even cry a little – or at the very least you’ll tell us you are beyond overjoyed.  in having these expectations i had unnecessarily robbed myself of complete happiness.  after one particularly disappointing ‘we’re expecting’ experience i had a long conversation with my husband and decided to say sayonara to expectations.  

life after expectations:  it’s an incredibly difficult thing to ignore preconceived expectations.  (i mean, i still expect people to read this blog ;)) i haven’t mastered it but i try every. single. day.  it has certainly made a difference.  especially in the relationships of those i love.  i feel like i am enjoying life more because i’m living it for me.  i’m no longer focused on the actions or reactions of others which are out of my control.  it’s not that i don’t care or wouldn’t feel hurt, i have simply learned to look for the positive in all of my relationships and remind myself that i myself might not be meeting someone’s ‘expectation’.  had i learned this lesson earlier in life i may have saved myself from some  disappointment along the way.   

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